A common issue those of us in recovery face is keeping our minds distracted to avoid wavering and ruining our sobriety. Throughout my many years as a drug addict, I’ve attempted to self rehabilitate and keep myself clean. The lack of motivation and mental strength I faced kept me from keeping sober so I relapsed more times than I can count.
So how is now any different than before? The love of my life left me, I have a source of income with my dealer constantly trying to contact me, so why am I more successful now? It’s 2020 and being quarantined is NOT making it easy to stay clean, I can guarantee that. So I should might as well introduce the topic of this post.
- Blogging, Book writing.
So the main reason to my sobriety revolves around writing. I started blogs, social media accounts and even wrote a book on my experiences as a drug addict. Of course, my overall goal was to reach out to those who face similar struggles and hopefully enlighten them to follow their own paths of sobriety and positivity. Throughout my time preaching sobriety and trying to be the voice of positivity through my work and online presence, I’ve managed to reach a few people and developed an audience (on twitter specifically @FruitsOfAddictn) and have been fortunate enough to guide those who were in need. I have an “Open Direct Message” policy for anyone who needs a safe space or even someone to confide in. Whether it be to ask for advice or even just vent about what they’re going through, I’ve been blessed to play the role of “counselor,” per say. Of course I’m am far from perfect and don’t have the experience of a professional, being able to help anyone at-risk has been a huge motivation for me to stay sober. Even though this plays a huge role in my journey to stay sober, I’ve had a few dry spells where my work and engagement dwindled so I had to find other ventures to keep my mind and spirit busy.
2. Online E-Commerce.
Like I stated before, it’s 2020 and we are currently facing a vile pandemic by the name of COVID-19. Most of us were unlucky and now have no jobs nor any source of income. This is were e-commerce comes in. I learned about shopify when I looked up “how to make money easily” when I was broke trying to make easy money to buy dope back when I was an addict and the topics that caught my eye were “write an ebook,” “start a blog” and “open an e-commerce store.”
Yes, these caught my eye (at the time) but I never acted upon them because when you’re an active drug user, our definition of “easy money” means us LITERALLY being handed $40 for our next fix. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to do research, and I sure as hell didn’t want to spend hours creating websites and developing a brand.
This was something I could only do when my mind was clear and I was willing to spend the time. Luckily for me, when I finally decided to stop doing drugs, and my online blog/social media presence wasn’t as explosive as it was the first few months, I reread that article and the lightbulb above my head that was turned off for so long had finally been replaced and was shinning brighter than ever.
My first week Of e-commerce and using Shopify as a platform was a success. Throughout 3 different online stores I had made close to $10,000. The goal of my writing and blogging was to become an icon for addicts, while my goal for my online stores was just to make as much money as I could in the shortest period of time. Which I did but just like my blogging, this had died down. I spent hundreds on influencer marketing on Instagram for each account I had created for my stores and I continued to create stores just to expand my reach. I had an online pet store, a women’s leggings/apparel store, a store for wireless headphones, a Valentine’s Day store, etc. At one point I was dividing my time between 9 different websites which kept me unbelievably busy. I had completely stopped thinking about drugs and I even stopped blogging and checking in on those who reached out to me for advice on their addiction. I quickly spent even more money on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google ads which left me with less money than I had anticipated and because I was still an amateur at the whole aspect of running an online business, I stopped making as much money, I went from making 10k in 8 days to making maybe $100 in a month. Another failed venture. Unfortunately for me, I have a weak mentality and when I fail at something I set my heart to, I become unbearable depressed. I began thinking about drugs almost immediately. But hey, I was still needed in my sober living community so I began to write once again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still running an online store, but this time it’s just one that I’m focusing on. Plus I already paid for a domain name, so might as well use it right?
3. Working Out.
I am unbelievably self conscious. I always have been, even as a kid. I’ve never been the type of person to have girls all over him and the type to post selfies and shirtless pictures. Some may say I’m attractive while most would say I’m not. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion but the opinion I’ve always had for myself is that I’m too skinny or too fat. Let’s get one thing straight before I continue. I have no issue with anyone being overweight. The mother of my children is quite heavy herself but she is EASILY the sexiest and most beautiful woman I have EVER laid eyes on (part of the reason why I’m so distraught that she decided to leave me). I loved every inch of her and I could NEVER have enough of her. Just thinking about her would get me hot and I saw her as a goddess. Of course she was self conscious as well but to me she was perfection. Enough about the love of my life/the one who got away, I’m talking about my own insecurities.
I used to be an athlete throughout high school and college and later I began to lift weights and went through a bulking phase where I gained a drastic amount of muscle. Of course this was before my addiction began. Either way I was at a point where I finally felt good and I could feel eyes on me and people (of both genders) undressing me with those eyes. A lot of people have a problem with others staring but not me! That’s how I knew I looked good! Although, it didn’t last. Through the many years as an addict I lost my progress and was unbelievably skinny once again from lack of eating and sleep and once I reached sobriety, I gained an unbelievable amount of weight. I am 70 pounds heavier now (although I have been working out), but at the start of my sobriety it was mostly fat. I made up for the years I didn’t eat by stuffing my face and filling my stomach with my favorite foods.
So this is where working out gets reintroduced. Again, because of this pandemic we are quarantined and yes we hate it, but please just stay home and make the best of it. I know I am! I invested in weights, a benching/squat rack, resistance bands and other equipment in order to maximize my overall transformation. My goal is to have a six pack again. No, not a “junkie who doesn’t eat” six pack, I’m talking about a “sex icon/Greek God” six pack. I want my fat turned into muscle and the motivation I have at the moment is watching OTHER people go through their transformations.
You know how I hope that my book and blogging can motivate others to walk the path of sobriety? Yeah well I’m doing that but instead of being the one who posts, I’m the audience. Youtube provides us with the ability to research other people’s successes and with that being said, if I ever feel unmotivated or get triggered and want to feel the euphoric effects of opiates, I go on YouTube and watch videos of people transforming their LIVES. Yes I know, it’s their bodies, but let’s be realistic. Eating is a form of addiction. Once the person decides to develop a healthy diet, routine and lifestyle, they change their lives for the best. Similar to those who chase sobriety.
I may not be rich and successful but I’m definitely not in the same position I was in last year. Yes I lost the one person who mattered more to me than my own life (not including my kids) BUT I’m not the same physically and mentally abusive, suicidal drug addict who’d get high and commit crimes just to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Also, I am finally not living with people who take advantage of any inch I’d give. Being separated from such negativity worked wonders on my being. My motto through out all my personal accounts has been “If the shoe fits, wear it,” and it looks like every opinion, complaint and FACT I have relates to A LOT of people who used to be part of my life. It seems like these few things were my only worry at the time, which makes me so happy so be writing this post.
So there you have it. 3 things I did and am still doing to keep my mind and my body away from the dastardly effects of drugs. I’m happier, my bank account is happier, my kids are happy they have their dad and God knows that these small hobbies played a huge role in my sobriety. I hope those who read this post can find the answers they are looking for and maybe this will help give some ideas. Thanks guys!
PS My first book/memoir! Available free on #kindleunlimitied, 99¢ as #ebook and also #paperback
And for those who are curious, my store is
My other blog is